Hi all. guess my blog's dead for like dono how long. But oh wells. Life right now is..hmmm..bad? How would u feel, if u lived a life that's full of thoughts, thoughts that u can't convey. U are aware of all that's happening around u but all u can do is keep it to yourself because u know no one's there to listen, to understand, to show sympathy, to show empathy. U wanna let everyone know that you're happy and appreciative for their appearance in your life. U wanna let her know just how much u care for her. U know ur own feelings so well but people just think its all but a joke. They don't believe u. They don trust u. Instead, they doubt u, make fun of u, hurt ur feelings and even criticise. If there was a button, where u can press and it transport u back in time, i would spend my whole life rewinding the parts when we were happy. i just thought, why do things always have to turn out the way opposite of what u want? Why won't life ever just go according to ur wishes and dreams? Why won't people u know, your parents, your friends, your closest friends, your loved ones, ever understand u? Why won't they just try and put themselves into your shoes and realise what you're going through is not as eva smooth-sailing and wonderful as they expected. I guess learning just this is a difficult thing. Bcos so many times, when someone scolds u and u think he's angry, he's not. Its just another case of 'kou3 shi4 xin1 fei1' and yet u get misunderstood so badly. And for that, u feel like just banging ur head against the wall and try all means and ways to make her understand but no matter how hard u try, all u get is ignorance and regret. Then u think to urself all day and night, how could u eva let go of something so beautiful, so fine, something u cherish more than ur life, ur everything. Why? And with every thought, it just tears u apart so quickly, from a happy-go-easy person into a lifeless spirit. It just turns your world upside down. U hate the things us ed to like and everything becomes meaningless to u. Things happen so fast u barely find your place in reality no more. U keep trying to hold onto something that wasn't there, doesn't belong to u but meant the world to u. It funny how such feelings even exist, how it could bring a guy so strong down to tears, feeling every drop of it rolling down his cheek. One moment you're both strangers, and u find urself confessing your feelings for her the very next. It isn't easy caring for someone in silence, despite knowing ur many flaws and all u can do is tell yourself 'i'm not meant for her, maybe she'll be happy with someone else', when all u want is just to have her stay by your side. And everytime u look at happy couples, all u can do is wish and dream that things could be this way. In a moment of anger u may say things like 'since u are happy without me, then leave me', but u know u neva wanted her to leave, neva.. But no matter how hard it is, u just thought doing anything for her is worth it, bcos when that feeling comes, its about her, not u anymore. I miss her.