Hey. sigh. So much have happened in my life recently. Cried, laugh, smile, tear. In the midst of all my hectic schedules, i started thinking why did so many people in this world have to end up concealing their feelings and deceive others and worse still themselves int he process? Most people tend to pen down and record the things which happen each passing day. But what's the whole point of telling the whole world what you have eaten and/or what you have done? We're all so afraid of writing such intimate personal matters on the net, we end up reporting to everyone else how we spend our days so to satisfy other's curiosity and at the same time not crossing the boundary of airing our own laundry in the public. Clearly the whole purpose and meaning of writing diary entries is lost.. If we can't even be frank to ourselves, who can we be totally true to? Sigh of course, blogs have become so public that I can no longer pen down my emotions without thinking of the consequences. Sometimes I wish all those around me can be a little tactful and give me the tiny space I need to breathe, and not to overjudge me for what I have done, for what I have said, and for what I have become or who i just truly am. But of course there are always these insensible 'irritables' who think they are just trying to be funny by teasing u and your loved one, not knowing amongst these teasing is the gradual tearing-apart of this becoming-stressed relationship. I mean, what's wrong with liking, or loving for the matter, a girl (or guy)? Would it be funny if someone teased u about your love for your parents? I guess not. However true enough, we have to be responsible for our actions, for what we say, but can't I have these moments when I can just be someone unnoticeable and just say what I feel? Something like getting lost in your own world? Because of the many things (emotional [again im hiding the truth u see]) which happen so recently, I often get some chances to ask myself, "Am I truly happy?" I believe many would agree, as time goes by we slowly forget how true happiness feels like because we're immersed in a world of complicated emotions and I can no longer describe how the feeling of real joy is. Many a time I'd recall how heated a quarrel can be like between a friend (more often than not with this special person) and myself, and I remember the laughters we had, tears we shed, and how happy we felt after 'reconciliation'. Now? We often "swallow" how we feel because we believe that we're sensible teens, and we will not cause trouble by being unreasonable and all just by starting up a quarrel. So we often end up compromising ourselves, forgetting that we have disappointed ourselves in the process, as we never make ourselves heard or known to the person who matters to you most. I know many will not agree with me, and believe that peace between a couple is always the best way to survive a lasting relationship, but believe me, when you can no longer be real in front of your dearest one, you have slipped away between his very own hands... Why else would trust be recognised as the key to maintaining relationships?
Sometimes you just hope all this was just part of a long-lasting dream so when you awake from it, everything would just turn out fine.
Am I ever going to get a chance to show you my real self? Can I be happy once more?